A: The word "virgin" means that someone hasn't had sexual intercourse. But if a "virgin" has had oral sex, then the risk of this person having a disease that he or she could transmit to you becomes more of a threat. The other problem is that someone could say that they've never had any type of sex with anyone else but not be telling the truth. Your health would be put at risk by such a lie. That's why I never use the term "safe sex," but rather say "safer sex," because eliminating all risks is not very easy to do.

Q: I'm a male, age 22, and I just lost my virginity. During sex, my penis becomes erect, but either loses its hardness while trying to penetrate, or just after penetration. When my partner gives me oral sex, I find it difficult to orgasm, and normally last around 20 to 30 minutes with constant stimulation. I seem to be able to pleasure my girlfriend with other techniques, but so far I have not been able to have a consistently hard erection for sex. I do have erections when I awake in the morning and during oral sex. At the age of 15, I suffered a back injury, and I'm now worried that this may be causing me problems, as I seem to be able to keep an erection when lying flat with no pressure on my back, but when I stand or bend, I lose it. Can you please give me some advice? I'm getting scared I may be impotent.

A: Your problem could be psychological, but because of the back injury you mention, it also could be physical. If you were to come to my office, the first thing I would tell you would be to go to a medical doctor to make sure that there isn't any leftover physical damage from your injury that could be causing this problem for you. And so that's what you must do. If you can rule out a physical cause, then write back to me, but your first step must be to see whether you have any leftover damage that needs to be addressed.

Q: Recently I had to have a radical hysterectomy. I have heard horror stories that you become dry vaginally after a hysterectomy. I have always used protection with my partner. I have never had a problem with being dry. I have not had any counseling to deal with these changes in my body. Do I need to douche? (I have never done so before.)

A: It's terrible that you haven't been given any counseling. I'm actually in the process of writing a book about gynecology, with a gynecologist friend of mine, because so many women don't get their questions answered. As for not producing lubrication any longer, I admit it's an issue, but it's certainly not a "horror story." All it means is that you'll have to use artificial lubrication, which tens of millions of women already do because of menopause. You're going to be starting earlier than most, but it's not the end of the world. And douching, which most gynecologists don't recommend, wouldn't be at all helpful, so that's an idea you can forget about.